When plans get cancelled…

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This morning our plans got cancelled last minute….A very few short years ago this would have thrown me into a tizzy, the ever type A. But instead here’s what happened –

Oh, hmmm…ok I have free time this morning.

More coffee in the coffee pot for me! Ha!

Ug…my toddler will now likely be very needy of me (not a bad thing, well sort of a bad thing….let’s just call it a thing).

How can I fix this time?  Should I bundle the boys up and take them to Home Goods? (tell me I’m not alone…).  Our mantle is in some serious need of decorating, not to mention the rest of our home, but no, no, this is not a good solution.  It’s cold, and I don’t have a plan yet – meaning I will just wander aimlessly around the store with a very glazed over expression.  Not a good combination (read: disaster) when a toddler and an infant are vying for my attention (more on planning for decorating later).

Fighting the urge to fill the time. growth. Accepting that downtime is productive too. growth. A willingness to do nothing special but everything special at the same time. growth.

A decision to get out my camera and capture some shots of the kiddos. Our oldest, just last night, learned how to smile big on request…we’re in trouble.  Our youngest now rolling over, say whaa?IMG_0831

A decision to ignore my phone completely for the next 2 hours – choosing to see this extra time as a gift.  I succeeded by the way – not a given.

Books read, play dough everywhere, and a fashion show featuring my toddler while trying to organize his clothes for the next 2 years (Facebook FSOT groups have become my lifeblood). And, sorry hon, I did just call it a fashion show

Learning to lean in to a normal day rather than fight against it…everyday is beautiful, right?

How do you respond when plans are changed last minute? Can we choose to see the time as a gift…perhaps the way it was always meant to be?

 

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I went to yoga for the first time in a year…

I went to yoga on Saturday morning for the first time in over a year. It never felt good during pregnancy, but my youngest is now 3 months old and I’ve been feeling ready to get back at it.  Of course, this “process” started the night before…

Checking with the hubs to see if it was ok…The mental checklist of everything that I would need to have ready in the morning – my mat, yoga clothes (not hard since I pretty much live in them!), a clean towel, the right water-bottle, and not to mention, “Are my armpits even shaved?” “When was the last time I painted my toenails?” Please tell me I’m not the only one who feels the need to have pretty feet in yoga.

There’s also the praying that the little one sleeps relatively well so that I would have energy to pull myself out of bed before 7 am, and get him fully fed and happy so that slipping out the door would be easier.

Easier – Saturday mornings have honestly surprised me since motherhood. Before kids, I would have thought that every Saturday morning after kids would be ME TIME. I anticipated the need to escape, eagerly awaiting Saturday mornings that would be filled with yoga, with coffee, with whatever I wanted to do! But the truth is, Saturday mornings are precious family time. As I was slipping out the door my oldest was whimpering, “I need Mommy, I need Mommy, I need Mommy.”

Finally in the car, I thought “I did it!” and breathed a sigh of relief noting that I would actually make it on time, but floods of other emotions were washing over me. A little mommy guilt, quickly squelched by the numerous times I’ve told myself that guilt is a lie. We aren’t meant to live guilty. Sadness, recognizing that I would miss a few hours of together time. Was it right that I was taking this time for myself? Am I being selfish? Is this a waste of money? Should I just practice at home? Do I actually need to go or would my time be better spent on my husband and my kids? Confusion – why the heck do I have to have so many conflicting emotions??? This confused, back and forth, annoyed at myself, self-talk lasted the whole way to yoga.

One of my quirks is that for as long as I can remember I’ve used green lights – the actual physical stoplights, to guide my decision-making. When running alone in the wee hours of the morning I would chart my course by whichever way the light was green at an intersection, even if that meant a hill. I figured it was the Lord’s way of guiding me out of potentially dangerous blocks/parts of the city. Maybe He works through stoplights and maybe He doesn’t, but I do believe that He is sovereign over even these small things.

It was GREEN LIGHTS the entire way to yoga…yay! That doesn’t mean the emotions resolved themselves immediately, but it felt like a small confirmation, a voice whispering, “It’s ok…this is a good thing…take care of yourself too…go breathe, and most importantly, enjoy this time.”

After navigating the crowded lobby of the studio…which always feels nerve-wracking to me for some reason, I found a spot in the back of the room. “Should I be in the front?” “Should I stay in the back?” “Which location will I see the LEAST amount of people?” “Where will I have the LEAST amount of distraction?” Prone to distraction regardless, I finally decided it doesn’t really matter and I needed to just be there. I remembered the quote, “Where ever you are, be all there” (Jim Elliot).

A few minutes later while in child’s pose, the instructor asked us to “Acknowledge that it is a gift to be here.” I smiled to myself – actually, I grinned probably very noticeably – at this other mini confirmation.  It truly was a gift.

How about you? Kids or not, do you struggle to find and be ok with me time? I’d love to hear how you handle the emotions, and even how you build in “me time” that doesn’t breed guilt. Hugs friends!

My Boys…Being Content at Home

When I was growing up, my mom talked a lot about the need to be content at home…because I definitely wasn’t and she could see that in me (my mom is the best!).  I could never understand why she hated errands so much.  I LOVED them – loved running around town, and never said no to an opportunity to be with friends.  Looking back, I missed out on too much family time.  As the oldest child, I can barely remember watching my brothers growing up because  I was always gone and regret that immensely now.  Years later, I’m thankful that the Lord has a way of gently teaching me the lessons that I need to learn.  I’m now a mom of 2 beautiful babes (wow!!), and getting out of the house is more difficult than ever before.  So difficult, that most days I just stay home!  Thank goodness I’ve discovered the beauty of Amazon (hello free shipping!) to do errands for me.

Although I don’t mind staying home in the same way I used to, I’m still learning how to occupy my time at home in a way that is meaningful.  I don’t mean meaningful like “How to save the world” meaningful, but how do I go about the everyday in a way that touches hearts, kisses boo-boos, and truly SEE’s the beauty that’s around me.  That’s what I feel inspired to write about – the everyday that “Awakes My Eyes.”  I’m working on being intentional with my boys…putting down my iPhone (so hard!), really reading stories to them with emotion rather than just reading the words but not really hearing them myself, and creating opportunities to be intentional with friends and my family.  The way I start my day and the environment I create as a homemaker has a lot to do with how settled my soul feels on any given day.  I’ll be writing about life – everything from motherhood and friendships, to my obsession with hand soaps (yes, it’s a thing) and decorating (TBD if my attempt to grow plants for our many windowsills will work or fail miserably!).  I love finding the beauty in the every day and hope I inspire you to do the same.  Hugs friends!